Looking back, and the road ahead

Somehow, the end of an educational year always feels like New Year's Eve: wishful thinking about a better year next time, whilst appreciating the fact that all struggles can be forgotten, if only for a split second. There are no fireworks or kisses on the cheeks, but we can certainly mentally pat ourselves on the shoulder for surviving better than we expected. People always tell us to not dwell too much in the past, with the mindset that it's nothing more but a black hole. However, sometimes it just takes a little spin on perspective whilst connecting the dots, to see that, in retrospect, out hardships did pay off quite nicely. Here's a little summary of my journey so far:

I will admit, summarizing our own "achievements" like this is a bit tricky. There's always more behind a story than catchy punchlines and simplified icons. After all, we live in a world of 3d, not 2d. Depths and heights are a part of life, and whilst the Netherlands isn't particularly known for hilly highways, nobody can claim that everything in life has been a plain bicycle ride to success. When I say success, I do not mean achievements. I actually think the most successful people are the ones who know where they are in life, what they want, and how they'd like to get there. A vision of the road they're standing on. 

In my opinion, focus and passion are the keywords to success; achievements should be nothing more but a side-dish. Yet here I am: almost officially graduated from my Bachelor's Degree and wondering if I will ever make it in life. Don't we all? It's the time of doubt and fear: quarter-life crises for the win! With financial troubles throughout our educational years, it is not odd to fret even more about what decisions to make. Keep breathing, though. Hasty decisions won't clear your head, hence I chose to expand the road ahead with explorations.

As seen in my little illustration above, I have always been prone to wanderlust. Life was a constant journey of finding myself. Yet, have I found myself after moving from city to city? Before I answer this question, perhaps I should ask: is it reasonable to ask myself whether 21 years of cells are now representative of the 60+ years of cells to come? I don't think so. All I know, is that after all these years, writing hasn't stopped. Whether I scribble quotes on my phone, dedicate my time to yet another blog-post, or retreat in my bedroom with a diary: I have always been writing, and I am still learning despite choosing my education in design/engineering. 

The power of exploration might be looked down upon by some, perhaps labelled as "a waste of time" as long as big numbers such as grades, the amount of followers, income, etc, don't verify our right to explore. I might have my little paper saying I'm a "Bachelor's Graduate" soon, but that should not define me. It's the small routes and detours I took that made me who I am today. Who knew that little Cynnie who always dreamed of being an architect, would turn her gaze to much smaller objects instead? Who knew that I would ever know how to work with Illustrator or Photoshop, whilst kid-size me used to remove backgrounds from koala pictures with Paint? (Yes, my favourite animal as a kid was a koala.) I wouldn't have gone through these changes without landing myself in unforeseen situations. 

The road ahead is huge, but so are the accumulated roads behind, there's wisdom in both of them. Next year, I am taking a gap year. I am giving myself the time to leave my rational mind behind and study Science Communication for a semester whilst trying to find part-time jobs that allow me to grow in my hobbies. Writing and visualizing are two of them: both are just a way of storytelling, and my story has just begun, so has yours.

Sometimes it's easy to feel lost when a year is coming to its end. We look back at what we did and did not do, and wonder what would happen next. This is not only for fresh graduates, but also to those who are contemplating a change in their route: dare to be easy on yourself, dare to give yourself time, dare to explore. It's all easier said than done, even I feel a bit uneasy about extending my time to a future career, but I know that letting go of my dreams without even trying will haunt me. The engineer might be good for the mind, but the poet is good for the heart. Take a deep breath and start roaming; stumble over mistakes and stand up again. Who needs fireworks when entangling roads can become an artwork itself?

Humans of Dusseldorf; Japanday 2016

For those who have been following my Instagram, these pictures might ring a bell. In the meantime it's almost been a month since I went to Dussedorf (Germany) to visit "Japan Tag". While juggling with uni work and procrastination, I figured it should be time to ramble and shutterspam you guys again.

Every time I look a the above collage, it draws a smile on my face, because these people remind me of a creative and daring part of humanity which I admire. Whether it's behind a mask or beneath layers of make-up, all of these people decided to shed their faces from their every-day lives and be frivolous once again. It's a mentality that's hard to come by these days despite of hipster culture invading our social media feeds.

What sets these people apart is their dedication and passion to turn the pavements into their theater. I can imagine some must've taken weeks to only make or gather their costumes. Also, Dusseldorf was scorching hot and crowded that day, yet these people walked around for a whole day in sweaty costumes and heavy weapons, smiling at clueless wanderers that kept snapping photos of them:

When I came to Germany, I really didn't expect much of my day: I mostly hoped for typical street vendors with Japanese goodies that would tickle my tastebuds. No Japan day without onigiri or octopus balls, of course.  Some origami and cute fluffiness would do too, just to finish the stereotype.

I found myself pleasantly surprised by enthusiasm of the people there: insane queues to try out kimonos, or a whole German crowd clapping for a Japanese band. It's something I still can't quite imagine in the Netherlands. After all, alternative culture has quite a history in Germany, sometimes with influences from the Japanese, but also with its own unique style. Compare the amount of well-known alternative bands in Germany to those in the Netherlands and you'll know.

In the end, I must say that the immense  crowd did take away from the overall atmosphere at the festival. Especially with the heat, it was hard to be enthusiastic about standing in a long line for some mocha. Again, kudos to those wearing costumes. They certainly made the day worth-while, not only for their aesthetic value but also the vibe that they created: free hugs, smiles and a healthy amount of lunacy. At one point people stood in a line that must've spanned at least 50 meters, ready to give free hugs. I'm not sure what it is about this trend and I personally still feel no need to hug strangers, but it's always a beautiful thing to see these kind of interactions going on in real life. 

People aside, of course I found myself enjoying the scenery as well. That day, the center of Dusseldorf consisted of lush greens, pretty blues and classical browns... like a typical European city most overseas foreigners must have derived from cinematic impressions. Of course, industrialism has had its influences that might give Dusseldorf the impression of being less cosy and small-scaled than cities such as Delft, but that's almost inevitable nowadays. 

Overall, it was a tiring and sweaty day, but it also made me feel accomplished in a way. Not only did I manage to experiment more with my photography; but by allowing myself to go abroad in between project work I also managed to take things easy and be frivolous again. I might not have gone in costume but if there's one thing I learnt during my graduation project it is that we all need to stop cycling in our minds and enjoy the scenery sometimes. 

We all have our own way of compartmentalizing our self-defined lunacy; there's always a struggle between responsibilities and desires, or social acceptation and individualism. I am not sure if it's healthy to keep our inner anti-poles apart, or whether it's possible to merge them, but it's always too easy to let the socially responsible overrule our minds. Of course most occasions in life require seriousness, I have found myself guilty of being called a "cool-cat" due to my silence or seriousness. To each their growth zones: to me it's allowing myself to lazy in the sun, to others it's making themselves more notable through their appearance, or perhaps it could be something as simple (or difficult) as being more easy on ourselves. 

Speaking of the latter, it's a Monday, and due to my graduation project I find myself dreading each new week more and more as the deadlines force me to be more critical towards myself. Let's beat Monday blues and start this week with a blast (fireworks from Japan day, to be exact).