Travelling to learn: three months at University College London

Over the years I have travelled a lot, whether it was for simple holidays or for my studies. Especially with my photographer's mindset, it was a delight to go to all of these beautiful places: the vibrant colours and hills of the new. However, browsing through my pictures, even if there was an aesthetic pleasure to them, would make me dissatisfied after a while. I would realise that the beauty of travel left me empty, probably because I didn't get enough out of it that felt meaningful: didn't have long talks with local strangers, didn't learn about the culture per se...  In short: I didn't feel like it had a purpose, nor serendipitous encounters, that enlightened me. I have always been an experience seeker over a materialistic dreamer, but the more I travelled, the more I wanted my experiences to be for the sake of meaning, in the form of development. I'm addicted to personal and intellectual growth.

This addiction drove me to where I am now: London. Or to be more precise: University College London (UCL). I emphasise this fact because after three months of being in London, really most of what I've seen is the university. This may sound sad to many but to me it is a delight, because that was my purpose of coming here: a postgraduate diploma in Behaviour Change and the opportunity to reinvent myself through extracurriculars. For me, it is a last chance to be a fulfilling student before entering the career world. Whilst extending my studies here and there has been fun and crucial (I still consider my last gap year one of the most important tipping points in my career view), I can't stay a student forever. Yet, whilst I am a student, I should fully utilise it.

Thus, I didn't come to London to travel, if interested in what London is like as a city, check out my blog post from three year ago. For this post, I want to emphasise on something else: how I came to London to learn. And boy, did I learn.

Whilst in London, I have mostly been discovering various libraries at UCL.

What I learned through academics

Academically speaking, I have needed to employ a whole shift of mindset in my programme at UCL. From experience, I know that switching between a designer's and engineer's mindset is doable, even stepping into the shoes of a marketeer, communication specialist or business person is something I could imagine. Getting into a social scientist's mindset, however, is a whole other challenge. I don't speak the language, don't have any basic background knowledge nor any experience with their way of working. It is stressful at times, but also exhilarating - as if I am diving into a whole new (academic) tribe, being an anthropologists that gets close to the community to learn.

I learned about everything you'd expect from a course: new knowledge, new skills, new tools. The first term has just ended, leaving me with the psychological knowledge and scientific rigour I have always craved.

Knowledge-wise, I learned about: behaviour change theories and models; ways in which our social cognition and motivation is affected; research designs and various domain-specific behaviour change interventions.

As for tools and skills, I am learning how to be a dwarf in a cave: being in a focused state and setting, mining away at literature, synthesising it into diamonds. I have always been more of a hands-on learner, so purely learning through texts, lectures and discussions is something I still have to get used to. The art of desk research is something I have always wanted to master, and I am slowly getting better at collecting papers more effectively, reading more quickly, and how to analyse them better and pulling it all together.

However, what has been the most significant learning point was the self-reflection, triggered from contrast. Everything they teach here at UCL, is clearly coming from an evidence or a theory-based rationale. I like think that the more you learn about others, the more you learn about yourself. Being here has taught me to step back and look at myself during the past five academic years: what is a designer, who am I as a designer, how do I work as a designer, what can I (as a designer) bring to the table, how does this differ from people from other disciplines, how does my design background merge with my current behavioural change education? I have been evolving. Designers get very close to the people they research and employ untraditional, explorative ways to dig into their thoughts and desires. It leads to novelty. On the other hand, social scientists are much more systematic and can anchor their findings to theory. This leads to articulate findings with a clear pathway. Both have their own pros and cons, and I am still in the process of finding out how to combine the two. 

I managed to create my design portfolio website not so long ago, which made me reframe who I was: a research-driven designer with an interdisciplinary mindset that communicates through multiple forms. My multifaceted way of communication is truly something I learned from my bachelor's/master's in design. The research part is simply engraved in my personality, something that I am only now chiselling into a refined entity through UCL. Interdisciplinarity is something that is evident from my whole educational experience, from Delft to Sydney, Aachen and London... I have always found myself a strange duck amongst the swans, waddling through murky waters, but learning to swim forth anyway despite being in unfamiliar territory. No matter how new a subject is to me, I somehow always manage to go through and that is something I attribute to my wide-spanning curiosity and never ending motivation to learn. 

Hard work pays off: I am slowly understanding myself better as a designer.

What I learned through extracurriculars 

Prioritise, be strategic and know your purpose. Before coming to London, I knew it was a city that was abundant in opportunities. Even UCL itself is overflowing with it. It would be easy to get distracted or to take on more on my plate than necessary. To avoid this, I made a priority list before departure, something I could look back on and to keep reminding myself why I came to London. First on the list was of course to get the Behaviour Change diploma, it is something I do not want to stray from. Surprisingly, dancing and having fun came after. For those that know me, that's mind-blowing. I always strive for meaning in life, doing things for the sake of fun doesn't appease me in the long term. However, I have learned from pushing myself too much in the past. Prioritising my mental health is something new for me, but necessary. Going to dance class every week keeps me energised. I even auditioned for a contemporary dance and hip hop show. Although I didn't get in, I was proud for trying because I pushed myself out of my comfort zone. One of the beauties of dance is learning how to let go of your ego and accepting failure as a driver to keep going. 

The next points on my list were much more 'me', they related to creating a social impact. I won't say that I am changing the world here at UCL, but at least I am working on things I believe in, such as sustainability and climate action through education. I have been part of the UCL Climate Action Society since the beginning of term and have also been involved with organising an event: the Sustainability in our City Conference. I am learning how to think of the bigger picture whilst being meticulous about details (e.g. in event management but also organisational/operational tasks), how to engage with people from truly diverse backgrounds (experiences, academics, ethnicity), how to speak up much more and when to step back and let go as well. What matters most, though, is that I am engaging in activities I think are important. 

Some people say that I am always on the go and they wonder how I manage to do it all. I suppose I have been learning how to plan (see image below). It looks daunting and as if I am doing a lot, but really I am just logging everything to keep myself sane. I also colour-code, especially making sure there is balance between types of activities during normal weeks, but focus during intense weeks. 

To be honest, this is very new to me. Back in Delft, I did not have the luxury of doing things beside my studies due to personal struggles and intense contact hours. Here at UCL, there is much more flexibility in planning due to its very few contact hours. Mind you, I do find the coursework challenging at UCL, but I learned to anticipate it and spread it out. Hence, much of my colourful tiles (yellow, pink, purple, dark blue) represent moments to keep me on track with coursework aside from the necessary every-day commitments (lectures and practicalities in light blue). However, I always make sure to sprinkle enough green (student society work) and lilac (healthy things for the mind such as fun activities or career related events/tasks) throughout the month.

Quire frankly, I think I can aim for much more quantity and quality, and I am hoping that next term will be more filled and colourful. I want to be on top of my reading but I also feel like I can increase my commitment to meaningful causes. The society work is there as I am contributing to the awareness creation of sustainability issues, but another love of mine has always been mental health. Fingers crossed that I get into those opportunities of impact, even if it means taking down some of my lilac tiles. 

What I learned through living on my own

I learned to take care of myself, both physically and mentally, it's as simple as that. 

Physically speaking, this former couch potato walks at least one hour each day (hitting more than 10k steps has become a habit) as I am walking almost everywhere. Then there's the occasional dancing, jogging and doing yoga. I am also spoiling myself crazy with food, eating even self-cooked warm meals for lunch. Whilst I make very simple meals, it makes me happy because cooking is a very relaxing activity to me, I have learned to experiment a lot more, and knowing there's always self-made food out there is very satisfying. Don't even get me started on the joys of bulk-cooking: having emergency meals in the freezer for lazy days. I am also very happy with the way I cut down on my meat consumption the last three months: I probably just eat meat once or twice a week these days.

Even simple food makes me very happy already.

As for mental health, a big part of it is filling my weeks with enough to get me into routine but also a lot of flexibility and a variety in each necessity (coursework, classes, extracurriculars, socialising, events, practicalities). Another big thing is to realise who and what is good for me. I know who I can count on and whom not to have expectations from, but at the same time I realise more than ever how to take responsibility for my own mental health by counting on myself. 

The view so far

I have familiarised myself with new territories, in many ways. It was a good exploration, but next term it's time to get more 'on it'. I want to focus more deeply and keep reminding myself of the purpose behind everything I do. When I'm studying, it's not for the grades, it is because I genuinely want to gain more knowledge about the behavioural sciences and also adopt their way of thinking and working. With my committee work, I am doing this because I believe in the 'practice into purpose' mindset, since being engaged in sustainability projects and activities was what made me care more for the climate too. I need to keep reminding myself that that's why I joined and being able to communicate this to our community is a blessing. As for volunteering, it is because I am starting to realise that system level changes in mental health care are difficult, so are products/services that put the responsibility in the hands of those who are mentally ill. What they need is support and a listening ear, the feeling that someone cares for them, and I think that being a volunteer there is going to be much more impactful even if it will just help a handful of individuals.

I've climbed a lot these three months and only just now had the time to look over the view from above. Now it's time to get back down again with focus: it is time for a deep dive.

GRIMM: Hiphop meets Ballet

Ever wondered how two different worlds of dance could become one in a timeless tale? Try hip hop and ballet with a whiff of fairy dust and a pinch of video games.

In May I went to the Luxor theatre in Rotterdam for a hiphop and ballet performance called 'GRIMM': a contemporary blend of fairytales as old as rhyme, told in the language of dance and lightplay. It's been a while, but I still wanted to do a short write-up of this performance because it has made me think of my own artistic self as well.



The story features two teenage boys, playing video games... until their mother comes in angry and tells them to stop playing and eat an apple instead. This gesture hints at the old saying that 'an apple a day keeps the doctor away', but of course also Snow White's step mom. Frustrated with their mom's interruption, the boys play around with the apple until it hits their tv and disappears into a mysterious ripple. They step into the TV, as if it's Narnia's magic closet... and thus begins the fairytale.

The boys first meet Little Red Riding hood, who is confronted with the big bad wolf. Various other classic characters make their appearance: Snow White and the dwarves, Aurora, Cinderella and Rapunzel. The four princesses are crucial to an evil witch's quest towards formidable power. Each of them had their own characteristic and distinct dance style:

• Snow white: a classical ballerina... but in the story she shows traits of stiffness and jealousy due to a crush on one of the teenage boys.
• Aurora: the flowy ballerina, dressed in a flowery gown; the girly-girl of the story.
• Cinderella: a sassy dancer with hints of salsa. She wears silver sneakers for glass boots and has a fun attitude.
• Rapunzel: the elegant aerial dancer with long flowing blonde hair. It was a display of aerobic finesse and truly fitted the fairytale.

The big bad wolf also had his own insane hip hop popping and locking style, whereas the evil witch was defined by hyperflexible moves in a style more close to modern dance. I loved how each character was easily distinguishable from their movements. Being a lover of words myself, it amazed me how much can be told through body language.

I also loved the typical incorporation of a funny character in this performance... which in this case included the seven dwarves. The way they marched/danced was hilarious yet well-synched. It added a funny backbone to the performance, reminding me again how diverse it was.

What struck me immediately was how the elegance of ballet and the energy of hip hop blended in perfectly. It was the choice of music that led to a logical follow-up of all the segments, but also the lightplay that easily guided the viewer through with its magical touch. I have always been a fan of juxtaposition and mixing several techniques into a whole. The projectors that changed the backdrop from time to time, along with the light patterns projected onto the dance floor made it a formidable performance. Somehow these modern techniques reminded me of the Lion King musical, but then a bit more subtle.

Overall, the performance was worth going to. Although the story was simple, the choreography was certainly not. Going here has not only awakened my love for hip hop again, it also reminded me of what kind of artist I am. I am a mixed-media kind of person who is in love with juxtaposition. All my life I have always been defined by contrast, in terms of personality, my nationality versus my ethnicity, my musical tastes, my educational career... They are marked by a coexistence of diversity. I have also come to a point where I am discovering more than just words to express myself... I like to mix in photographs, illustrations, video, and more. Hence the mixed-media interest.

It is soothing to know more about myself and what I am interested in. Hopefully one day I will also find my own distinct artistic self, easily recognised without the use of words... just like how every character in GRIMM was able to define themselves through dance.


For more information about GRIMM, visit the following link (Dutch only):
https://www.operaballet.nl/nl/ballet/2017-2018/voorstelling/grimm

Rotterdam in the rain - finding the extraordinary in the ordinary

I have always been tainted by wanderlust. Sometimes it feels like a condition: this eternal aching for something better that is found in the unknown, the exotic, the far-away. Yet despite having travelled quite a bit during my studies, my curiosity had started to dwindle. Many cities seemed to be the same: always this church in an old town square, these old buildings, these same shops. Most of the time, my travelling brought me excitement due to the exquisite cuisine or jaw-dropping backdrops of nature - things that are not particularly known to the Netherlands.

As such, I barely take my DLSR camera on a date anymore except when I go on a vacation. Especially when the weather is grey and murky, I much rather stay in my cosy bed than embark on a photographic adventure outside. Why should beauty only be found in the exotic, though? Isn't the real challenge finding the extraordinary in the ordinary? I have been dissatisfied with the way my camera skills have remained stagnant during the past year, so I decided: let's try to brush up my skills again. Since I have always been particularly fond of urban settings - the grungy beauty of abandonment and construction - I chose to go to Rotterdam.

The iconic 'Erasmus bridge' of Rotterdam.

Every city has a story, and Rotterdam's story is doused in the theme of reconstruction. During the second world war, almost all of Rotterdam's historic city centre was bombed. Despite the tragedy of the event, the city did not dwell. Instead, it chose to use the past to build a future, the future that is now a landscape of skyscrapers and perseverance. It is almost poetic: we either run away from our past, or we rise where we fall. Rotterdam chose to stay, re-designing its city to what it is today, placing high-risers where the city was laid to ashes.

While wandering around in the rain, the city certainly did not strike me as a happy one. The sky was a blank canvas and much of the city could almost be called monochrome - blending in with the bleakness of the weather. Quite honestly, having checked my weather app the day beforehand, I was hesitant to take pictures in this weather. Thankfully, one of my friends pointed out that there is novelty in photographing on a rainy day: high contrasts, a moody atmosphere. So armed with an umbrella in one hand and my camera in the other, I skimmed alongside the waters of Rotterdam. The surroundings were as bleak as I expected them to be, but sometimes blotches of colour would take me by surprise. They felt like sparks of inspiration to me: hidden beauties between the ruins.

Admittedly, they were not bright and poppy colours. They were still washed-out, but somehow this rawness is what I found beautiful about it. It is honest in a way - not pompous and glamourized. Having spent most of my teenage years in Amsterdam, I never felt attracted to the idea of Rotterdam. It always seemed like a cold city to me, full of modern buildings that did not hold a meaning. I regarded the city's architecture as a lack of history, when in fact, this rawness embodies its history in the best way it can. Everywhere I looked I could still see bits and pieces of construction. Since it is a harbour city, it had an industrial vibe to it with cranes and containers everywhere. I stayed for more than two hours near the Erasmus bridge, and witnessed multiple cargo ships passing by.

The rain did me good as well. I felt intrigued by the shiny surfaces as a result of the rain. I almost felt like a kid playing in the puddles: squatting down to have those low-angled photographs, waiting for individual droplets to hit the pavement and shatter. Multiple people passed by and must have wondered what that silly girl was doing with her umbrella, staying so low to the ground.

Part of the joys of photography is not just discovering bits of beauty, but also stumbling upon dynamic subjects that cannot be accounted for beforehand. Usually while travelling, we will aim for certain sights that must be visited. This time, I just wandered around freely using the Erasmus Bridge as a starting point. I never thought I would end up staying around that area for hours. I probably only covered a 500m straight distance but still found some interesting things that made my day, such as these bunch of huskies that happened to pass by while I was actually busy taking reflection-selfies. Sadly, they went by too quickly for me to take a proper picture. Don't judge me, it was a very nice reflection amongst the grey, with streaks of orange juxtaposed against a passage of pillars and light. The pillars in the background actually made it to the reflection too, making it seem like a double-passage of pillars. Anyway, I think I am getting lost in my descriptions here so let's go back to the huskies. My God, look at those beautiful fluff balls (even though you can only see their bums right now):

All in all, I am very grateful I decided to photograph Rotterdam in the rain. Without it, the experience would have been much different. Surely my wrist started to hurt a bit from holding both my umbrella and camera in the wind. And yes, it was a bit tiring carrying my tripod around which I did not get to use due to the messy weather. But looking at how I have made a very ordinary location somehow special to myself, it fills my chest with a sense of pride and happiness. It is not just the pictures I produced but also the philosophy behind it. I found myself thinking about the city and the weather in a way I didn't before. Also, it is a small victory for me for going out and doing something for myself again amidst the chaos of university life.

So where will I go next? Probably where-ever a train can take me. I've just got to keep my eyes open and blow some motivation into my body.

Cheers!

Keep running up that mountain

It's time to lit my campfire again: I'm back in my cave of wonders. More than a year ago I wrote a recap about my experiences after a long hiatus; now this situation unravels itself again after trailing many paths. Looking back, it feels like I might have come a little closer to this mountain-top view I've been longing for. Still there's a long way to go, so I just keep running up that mountain (or hill, like the Kate Bush song). So where have I been the past year?

Sep 2016 - Feb 2017: exploring the field of Online Marketing

A very quick picture I took during the first day of my internship,
because I thought that it was funny they put me on the screen.

During my whole Bachelor's I have always felt like I wasn't quite in the right place. I was doing well in school, but I kept being 'a bit of this and that', not discovering what was truly 'mine'. Therefore I decided to embark on a year of internships. First I took half a year to dabble my feet in the world of Online Marketing, believing it would give me the communication skills and understanding that I needed to perhaps step into a new career field outside design. However, since the company I worked for developed web applications, it struck me that design would never really leave my mindset. I assisted in debugging sprees, handled some customer queries and created creative content to increase usability (e.g. creating interactive user manuals). These tasks led me to the revelation that perhaps I wasn't the typical hands-on and creative Design Engineer, but my analytical and 'people' skills could flourish very well in the field of UX-design or Design Research.

I have learnt a lot in terms of communication and consumer behaviour during my Online Marketing internship, which will always be valuable given my desire to incorporate psychological knowledge in my future career. But the best part was finding out I wasn't that lost at all with the steps I had taken so far, which led me to my next internship.


Feb 2017 - Jun 2017: finding my way in Design Research

Picture by STBY.

It took me about three months to polish up my portfolio, but it was definitely worth it, as I got myself a Design Research internship in Amsterdam. Not many people know this, but I had actually tried to apply to a few Design Studios before (around May 2016) but was rejected time after time. I completely redesigned my portfolio because of those rejections, and am happy that it worked out for the better since I needed the Online Marketing internship to realise what particular field of design truly held my interest.

My brain sometimes felt like it couldn't handle all the information-overload from the intensive research we had to do during my Design Research internship, but finally I felt like I was in the right place. I was surrounded by people who, just like me, valued academic knowledge instead of just a quick-and-dirty practical mindset. This was also the first time when I was surrounded by designers from different academic backgrounds. I also felt like I was truly doing something for the greater good given the projects dealing with global or social issues, which I hope will be something that comes back to me in my future career.

Not only did I learn about what direction I would like to go into, I also learnt about tools that gave me a head-start in my current Master's program.


Jul 2017: Mechatronics Summer School in Aachen, Germany

Despite knowing I would never really be the typical 'Design Engineer' I was schooled for, I still wanted to give it a chance by adding onto my past desire to become a Design Engineer in the medical field. My first step was already taken two years before by going to the 'Healthcare and Technology' summer school at King's College London. Keeping the design of hospital devices in mind, I thought a Mechatronics and Robotics summer school would do me good. Which was a huge challenge given my background, as the course was actually designed for 2nd year Mechanical Engineers.

The summer course confirmed that engineering really wasn't my thing, but I did pass the course. This boasted my confidence, knowing that if I set my mind to something, I could always be able to reach it. Being in Germany was really good for me, as I had missed the independence and travelling that I was so used to back in Australia and the UK. I have always flourished better in international environments, and this summer school just made me want to go abroad again.


Sep 2017 - present: MSc 'Design for Interaction' and next steps

The gap year was very good for me as I never thought I would choose this Master's program, or go back into the field of design, but here I am. I just finished my first semester, which was a huge struggle to me, but academically speaking I did very well. Just one more semester left and the big deal will begin: a year of elective modules. As part of this year, I just applied to a course called 'Behaviour Change' at University College London. Hopefully I will hear from them in 6 weeks. I know that UCL is a prestigious university with high standards, so it will be tough getting in and staying in, but for now I can only hope for the best.

I am just excited that I am taking charge of my own journey again, even though I still don't know where I am heading exactly. All I know is that I keep trying to reach the top but in the meantime I also try to enjoy the path. I've been running a lot, and especially now I find it harder to slow down. But the most important thing is that I am doing this all for me: it is because I want to learn, I want to grow, I want to reach my fullest potential. Just like this blog, the world might not know about me. I am not a 'big deal' and my social media following is mediocre, but doing all of this: writing, challenging myself creatively, pushing myself out of my comfort zone and finding my way career-wise - this is a big deal to me, and I can't wait to see what the view is from above.


P.S.: In case you haven't noticed, I cut my hair short for a year already and I'm loving it.