Destinations

Enjoy the road; enjoy the destination. I try to appreciate both in life, and am therefore thrilled to announce that my Mental Health Fundraiser has reached its €1000 goal. It took me about 2 months to get here, but especially the first month was nerve-wrecking. It's one thing to struggle with mental health, another to just throw out my story into the world wide web and anxiously await whether I'd be caught up in my own web of doubts.

That being said, I'm still glad I did this. As of late, I feel like my passions are finally piecing themselves together. Throughout the years I've had many hobbies and interests. I never called myself a mental health advocate before, but through this fundraiser, my poetry, and upcoming articles I've been writing for an online magazine, I feel like my actions are finally aligned with my morals.

My second passion (sustainability) has always felt a bit disconnected from my interest in mental health... but I think I found the connecting bridge: mindful creativity. Lately, my crocheting adventures have made me more mindful and skilled in creating my own garments. My first wearable creation was a simple triangular scarf, which took me about 3 weeks to make. I'm hoping that I can soon create bigger pieces to wear. The feelings of relaxation, accomplishment and sustainability I get from crocheting are something I'd never imagined putting together. I am grateful for this summer, where I was forced to stay inside due to the pandemic. I was forced to introspect, to find ways to cope, and I got so much more from this summer than any exotic holiday would have given me.

The destination I've reached so far has been amazing, but also a bit lonely. Sometimes it feels like the more of my goals I reach in life, the less connected I feel with people. It's kind of like sitting atop a mountain, enjoying the fresh air and gorgeous landscape, whilst longing for someone next to you to share the view with. I'm missing human touch, I'm missing the prospect of ever being loved. My emotional state has been going through its ups and downs, especially since I've been isolating myself more from social/digital interactions (trying to respect some of my friends' boundaries).

The road to healing is difficult, and at this stage, mostly something that's up to me and my interactions with professionals. I'm trying to accept that whilst my friends want to be here for me, some things are just beyond their emotional capabilities.